5 Reasons Why Dating Is So Hard For Men In Society Today
*Before I actually start this blog post, I want to put a disclaimer out. I am a heterosexual man, therefore I will only speak from that standpoint. I have no idea how the LGBTQ community views dating because I have zero experience in it respectively.
As I look myself and my peers I see that dating in this era has become way more difficult than it really should be. Over the years I have noticed that there are a variety of factors that play a part here. Here are 5 reasons why I think men are having a hard time when it comes to dating now.
1. Having kid(s) from prior relationships.
The traditional standard that I adapted included one wife/husband and one family. That is way more rare now than the normal societal standard. Men and women are having kids with one night flings and people they are not even in a serious relationship with. I still don't understand how this "mistake" situation is happening at such a high rate. Stop sleeping/having sex with individuals who do not want a baby with you and you know have no intentions in being anything serious (i.e. wife/husband... which will come later).
2. The great birth contraceptive debate.
Many people always go to the first main excuse that has become normal now (typically from single mothers). "If he didn't want a baby, then he should have wore a condom." Wait... so did people forget that it takes two consensual people to agree when it comes to having sex? Let me say the main part people always miss now and days... it takes two consensual people to agree when it comes to having sex. This obviously excludes victims of rape (which is something I obviously do not condone in any way shape or form).
Women/single mothers tend to blame the guy when it comes to not wearing a condom, therefore, he should take full responsibility for the outcome (not her). A man cannot have consensual sex without a condom unless the woman allows it... period! I get tired of seeing how women dance around that fact as if they didn't have the choice to say "either put on a condom or we are not having sex."
Men have essentially three birth contraceptives. A condom (which can break), a vasectomy (which is permanent), and abstinence/celibacy. Women have 20+ options including a female condom and getting their tubes tied (which is temporary), yet zero of them will not be a suitable choice is hard to believe.
For me personally, this is a huge reason why I have personally found it hard as a grown adult to date in the past. As a man, I cannot force a woman to take birth control or even show me she is taking them (and I wouldn't want to). A woman can lie about being on birth control and if she does get pregnant, then the fault (by many women) would still fall on me the man.
Yes sex is a great and intimate thing, however, I have seen way too many of my male friends end up becoming baby daddies by women who lied about being on birth control or simply never used any of the options available. I see how much damage having a baby by the wrong woman has affected their lives (for the worse).
Call me a lame, but I would rather take the abstinence route then just have sex with an attractive woman. Call me a lame for not sleeping attractive women when I had the chance, but one label you will never be able to call me is a baby daddy. One woman, one wife, one mother of my children... that is a non-negotiable moral standard of mine.
3. Preferences of a significant other.
For some odd reason men are shunned more than praised for having their specific standards with a woman, yet a woman can have a 300 point or very shallow preference and receive great applause for her standards.
Men are pretty simple when it comes to choosing a significant other in a woman.
A) Physically attraction (which men receive backlash from because now a man should just accept a woman no matter how she looks). If a man says he likes a fit body type woman, then that is his preference. He does not have to accept a woman that he is not physically attracted to whether she is small/thin or plus size.
B) Loyalty in a relationship is a must. No man wants a woman who has a history of cheating in past relationships. If she done it before, she could definitely do it again.
C) Support... this should be self explanatory, but I'll explain in full anyways. Support from a woman (girlfriend) is one of the most endangered factors lost in society today. If a man loses his job, that does not make him any less of a man. The job market is pretty cutthroat now and days, yet to some women, if a guy loses his job, then that is his fault and one way she could end the relationship if she deems him not capable of financially taking care of her (even if it is short term until he finds another job). Men also need emotional support as well.
Our girlfriend essentially becomes our best friend and is the person we want to talk to about everything (good or bad). Yet again, men of today are not supposed to be too emotional or that shows weakness (why I do not know). She also becomes the person we look for when it comes to supporting things such as our favorite sports teams/activities (even if she fully doesn't like sports as much).
D) A girlfriend who can cook is the icing on the cake. We all have watched this diminish in a lot of women within today's society. Some women literally joke about not knowing how to cook, yet have no problem showing their curves online in 1 out of every 3 selfies. By traditional standards, a man is supposed to be able to financially take care of the house (respectively). So why if we go by traditional standards here specifically is it wrong of a man to say "I want my girlfriend/future wife to know how to cook?"
Now for women... no one can deny that one of the main reasons most women are single now is because they have astronomical must meet or it is a no go preference list. For some reason, it is wrong for men to have specific standards, but completely fine if do. We all know how long this list is so I'll give an abridged version.
- Must be 6 feet or taller.
- Must make a lot of money to financially support her and buy her whatever she wants.
- Must have a beard.
- Must show her all the attention she wants.
- Must be loyal (which is completely fine).
- Must be a 9 out of 10 attractive and no lower (including physical attributes).
- Must be able to have a big package downstairs.
- Must accept her looks even if she uses an excessive amount of makeup/weave/hair extensions and rarely shows herself in a natural state.
- Must deal with her unnecessary attitudes because as a woman she can be emotional about anything at anytime for literally no reason at all.
- Must accept her kid(s) from previous relationship(s)/fling(s) as his own, even if he has none and she does not want to have any of his kids (this is the main reason why I wrote the blog post "Why Do I Not Have Kids Yet").
- Must pay for all of the dates and she does not have to contribute a single penny of her own money (because that is what a "real man" does in today's society... a phrase I absolutely hate because when men say what a "real woman..." before he even finishes he is labeled unrealistic and not a "real man who can't handle a woman as she is").
That list can go on for a few days, but you all get the point here. If a man feels like he just has to settle for an "as is" woman without having his own preferences, then he would rather wait to find the diamond in the rough, than take a chance and end up having a baby by said woman. Some women should actually look in the mirror when saying men have unrealistic standards, when in fact their exact preferences must all be met or a guy has no chance at all.
4. Marriage is no longer the standard end goal.
Men and women have become so comfortable with societal/social media labels such as wifey, bae, and hubby that a real marriage doesn't even make sense anymore. This is a cumulative of the entire list as to why dating is so hard today.
Men do not want/stress/rush marriage because he knows that if it ends for any reason, the system is basically rigged against him and 50% of his assets can automatically go to the woman if a pre-nup is not initiated or alimony (even if she is at fault). There are also some men who would rather be players/bachelors their entire lives instead of settling down with one woman. The trend of having two girlfriends or a "main piece and a side piece" is the dumbest thing I see men stand by. To each their own because if it works with all parties involved, then kudos, but me personally, I could not do it. (Again, remember my standard... one woman, one wife, one mother of my children.)
Women tend to either want marriage too quickly or come with such a baggage (aka having multiple kids by multiple men and/or want none at all) that the men they see as Prince Charming will not accept rightfully. There are great men that exist and do not want any kids, yet the majority of men truly see themselves having kids at some point in their lives. To a man, having kids is his way of saying his legacy and the family's surname will carry on after he is no longer living. If a woman does not want any kids (or any more kids), then that cuts her pool of men down dramatically.
Women have also adapted the mindset of "act like a woman, ink like a man" so much that they also see no problem with having a main boyfriend and a side boyfriend (still dumb to me from both perspectives).
5. Interracial dating.
Race debates in general have become such a focal point in our society that people have now adapted that into their dating preferences. Both men and women have two mindsets here...
A) Only date within your own race no matter how long it takes to find "the right one."
B) Date outside of your race, and prepare for narrow minded individuals to criticize you for "selling out."
I have experienced this first hand as I have no problem dating outside of my race. However, that does come with the idiots of saying "why won't you find a black woman to be with" and "you are a sellout and can't handle a strong independent black woman." Each time I laugh because love truly has no color in my opinion. No where in any dictionary does the definition of love, relationship, or marriage state "love/a relationship/marriage is only pure and right when you date inside of your race."
I look at it like this, love when being open to dating interracially is like catching a fish in a lake. If there is a precious fish (metaphorically speaking potential/future/current girlfriend that is not black/African-American) on my fishing hook and I have it in my sight/in my hands, why would I say "hey, I really find interest in this fish and it looks like everything I want... but it is not a black/African-American fish, so I'll keep on fishing and wait until one appears."
In no way shape or form do I mean the latter as I don't date within my race ever because I have. Race has never been a factor to me at all. Date who you want no matter what race they are and if people disagree with your decision... well they can date exclusively in their own race.
There goes my 5 extensive reasons why I think dating has become so hard in today's society for both heterosexual men. Do you think I am completely off the mark or missed some things? Do you completely agree with me on everything or a few points? If you are a part of the LGBTQ community, do you find the same/similar issues in regards to dating today as heterosexual individuals do?