Fear Made Me A Stronger Person
I know that it may sound weird, the things that scared me made me stronger. The objective is fear is to make you weak towards something in particular or anything at all. I have been known as a "black sheep" type of person for all of my life. Ambitious to the point of no return as if there is a cure, yet I refuse to take it.
As I am sitting here right now writing this, I reflect back on my life of the past 24 years. I remember when my Mother told me that this World we live in is mean and cruel. I don't know where in my DNA possesses the "Somebody has to give up first, and it's not going to be me" genetics, but it's somewhere. The mantra "You don't understand my life until you take a step in my shoes" may apply to some. Others may even take that challenge, however, I will never nominate anyone else to this challenge.
I remember the moments when I was so scared that I thought life couldn't get any worse. One moment in particular was when I decided to move to Chicago. In my mind, I had everything to gain, and everything to lose. 2 years ago I put my life and my dreams all on the line. I packed all of my things into a U-Haul truck with no full-proof set plan, just hope and faith. Hope that I don't get knocked down, and hear people tell me "I told you so. I told you to not take that chance." Having faith that the World would take a day off and be nice once.
I moved into my own 2nd apartment, another studio not because I couldn't afford something better, because I wanted to prove something. In my mind, I had something to prove to myself and no one else. I left a Denver, Colorado where I made so many lifetime and amazing friends... some I even consider my family all because of my dreams. It was sad and scary to leave a place that I consider as my 2nd hometown.
Honestly, I didn't care for living in a studio apartment. I had little to no room, I felt embarrassed to let anyone come in because they would be exposed to what I considered closed corridors without even blinking. However, it made me stronger, it made me look at myself every day and never forget the truth. I never wanted to lose my drive and determination because I have seen it happen so many times. When people get more than they have ever had, they tend to lose themselves. No longer are they "hungry" to be better than they are now, they just become content. I never want to feel content in my life, just happy.
5 months into my 2nd year lease, I decided to take a risk and move into a 1 bedroom apartment. It may not sound like a risk reading this, but to me it was. A risk because I'm finally giving myself what so many people think I have deserved years ago. A risk because it took me 4 months (after the first 5 months of this year) to even start negotiating exactly what I wanted in my new apartment. A risk because I am completely on my own, no roommates and the inflation of rent falls all on my shoulders. All during the same time frame, I began to miss all of my friends from my hometown, listening to them on the phone, having Skype conversations, and reading text messages saying/asking "When are you coming back home Kenon?"
Now that I have the space to actually start doing everything that I want to do (Food photography wise) I am so excited to start sharing recipes with you all again. I'm finally happy to no longer feel constrained and unable to create work that I am proud to share with you all, instead of water-downed versions.
I have never felt... I have never felt... more free and grateful. I know right? Grateful for the life situations that scared me more than put a smile on my face. I'm a stronger person, I'm a wiser person, I'm a smarter person and I became a better person because of my fears. Take notes and learn from the lessons that going through and overcoming fear is teaching you so you never have to go through them again. I have learned more through fear than I have learned being happy because fear creates character. We are all humans and fear is inevitable. You have to find a way to hit home runs, when the struggles and fears of life are trying to strike you out.
I know this is easier said than done... don't be afraid of the things that you fear, embrace them. Don't run away from fear! You have come too far, and your dreams are to great to not be experienced when you are awake. You are not alone, never forget that!
I leave you all for now with one of my favorite quotes...
"What's the use of paying for the class when you can't pass the test?"
Love & Coffee Beans