Change Is Constant and I Love It
Change never ceases to amaze me. I remember the moment right before I moved to Denver from Kansas, that nothing would be the same. I felt like I pressed the "new game" option and I was beginning a new life again. I had no clue what would happen, but I tried to plan it all out. From that moment on, every day seemed to change. My thoughts changed, every plan that I created one day became invalid as I perceived my new plans to be better.
During my Sophomore year of college, I noticed a weird cycle began. Every 3 months just like the seasons would change, so did my life. During the first season, nothing dramatic happens. Life was as normal as a healthy heartbeat, then the next season things would plummet, making me scared and wondering was I going to hit rock bottom. At the blink of an eye came the next season and oddly enough things became normal again. I no longer worried about the negatives because everything changed again. I always found a way to bounce back from the previous season and then the unexpected happened. The fourth season showed promise and I felt on top of the world again.
Right now I am in the beginning of my fourth season. Everything is amazing again! The most exciting significant event is that in August I get to meet up with some of my greatest friends ever! Crazy thing (since there is always a twist in every season as well) these are going to be photographers that I have never met before in real life! While we have all talked numerous times on G+ video chat and keep up with each other on Facebook, it's like I have known these people my entire life.
Being the over-thinker, worse critic of myself, I thought that maybe I brought this upon myself. I could have had the "normal" life that my family and close friends want me to have. The type of life where I know what to expect and just be okay.
However, as one of my close friends Katelyn has told me, if my life was normal then I wouldn't be happy. No matter how much I may complain or be sad when life hits me with a few jabs and uppercuts that almost knock me down, I always find a way to throw a haymaker of my own.
Indecisive is like a gift and a curse to me. There is nothing that I would change because I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Like the decision I am still fighting within myself to make at this very moment. Should I still pursue my childhood dream and move to New York City or should I settle down in Chicago? Neither decision would be a bad choice which is what confuses me the most, however, I wonder "what if" more than I probably should. I mean, I think I know what I want.
Yesterday, when it was 80 degrees here in Chicago, I took advantage of the opportunity to just walk walk on the beach that is within walking distance from where I live. As the cool breeze made me shiver a little bit, for the first time in a while I actually felt like a normal human being. I didn't have to go to work at either of the two restaurants I work at, nor did I do anything business related with my own businesses.
I listened to the waves as they covered my feet every few seconds also bringing more sand in between my feet. Maybe I do over-think things too much. Worrying about my future more than just living in the moment. I admit that I should get better in that area of life and stop thinking so much. Nothing will always go as I plan and maybe that's a good thing for me.
I guess this is the part where my parents always told me that life would not be easy. While it is not easy like I thought it could be, at least I have options, which while it may be difficult at times, I would rather have that problem than not have any options at all. I can do whatever I want and no choice is a bad one.
For that reason alone, I am forever grateful and I am happy to continue sharing my crazy journey with you all. Now it's time for me to watch the new episode of Glee and enjoy my 2nd day off from work!
Love and Coffee Beans!