"That's the thing bro! You built yourself into a machine! That's good, but machines need tune-ups, rest, etc. You push yourself to the max too often."
During a conversation with a person close to me about my life, I began to realize a (or maybe the general) perception may be. I remember the first time I had a taste of success and freedom at the same time. It was mentally delicious and then I thought "well, if I can just keep this taste in my mind, then I would never have to miss it... right?"
What I did made people happy, proud of me... a desire that I programmed myself to need. Then a few years went by and I craved more, because to see people smile is the best feeling ever. To here anyone ever say to some degree "Kenon, you inspire me." "You are an inspiration!" The awards are nice, but the feeling of being positive in such a cold world that can bring our emotions down to a mere expression of sadness is the best reward I will ever receive.
For a while, I started to take time away from everyone and everything. Hook my headphones into my iPOD and act as if the only world that existed, was the one in my own mind.
Now, I realize that the person who told me that I built myself into a machine was right. I did it for a reason. To me personally, I needed to feel as if there was a reason for my existence. What is my purpose as a human being?
With the year of 2013 coming down to it's final days, I begin to pull out small notes that I put in there. Whether it is a random inspirational quote, thought or idea from the entire year... it entered this box. Also at the end of every year, I find myself finding time to just be away from everyone, even if it is just for part of a day as personal confinement.
No internet, no text messaging, no phone calls, nothing. I choose to read something like a newspaper or sit in a room and just think. I must admit, yes I am a machine, I realize that now. However, every now and then, my programming needs updates that require me figuratively leaving the real world for just a little bit. Sometimes I may not be able to visit or talk to every single person that I know, just realize that my intentions are for the good and that I am not ignoring you.
I can't wait to see you all in 2014!